


Love Me Tenderly

by Loveandcoffeeandothersimplicities



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-04 05:34:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13357584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loveandcoffeeandothersimplicities/pseuds/Loveandcoffeeandothersimplicities
Summary: When the unthinkable happens, when Caitlin is left broken, who will be there to show her she's still worth fighting for? Snowbarry.





	1. Zoom

Author's note: AU off the second season multi chapter. TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault and hallucinations. Zoom will make periodic appearances, but this story is going to travel Caitlin's path of when she got released from being his prisoner. AUAUAU.

Caitlin had been held as Zoom's hostage for three days, and she knew she was dipping into dangerous waters. She was losing her grasp on what was real, and what existed inside of her head. Zoom was brutal, stripping her of any form of happiness, mercilessly. He had already staked his claim over her; had already showed her who she belonged to. She didn't need to hear the message any louder, it still echoed inside of her ears long after he chained her back to the bed post, and left.

She stared at the person in the cage, who was tapping on the glass uselessly. Caitlin had no clue what he wanted, nor did she care anymore. She was forced to witness the brutal death of her doppelganger, knowing that if she didn't do exactly what Zoom had wanted, she'd be next. She wasn't sure if she cared about dying or not, anymore. Wasn't sure of anything besides how long she had been in this hell. And, she didn't have much hope for a rescue team.

She thought briefly over her friends at Star Labs. Barry, without his speed. Cisco, determined to bring her back. And, everyone else, just there. She wanted to laugh bitterly, but she was too exhausted to even do that. So, she just sat there, waiting for the next round of misery to crash over her like a tidal wave.

Zoom eventually came back, unchaining her wrist from the bed post, and locking the shackle around her ankle instead. She knew what was coming. Didn't fight him. Didn't even attempt to fight him. Just counted the cracks in the wall until he pushed off her, sweaty and out breath. He dropped a kiss to her forehead, smiling slightly.

"I'll be back soon, Cait," he said quietly. Caitlin just continued to stare at the wall, counting,

XXXX

The fourth day brought a tray of food along with Zoom's visit to his cave. He placed it in front of her, touching her knee.

"You need to eat, Cait," he stated, but she merely pushed it away from her, ignoring him. He didn't like it when she ignored him. He grabbed her roughly by the chin, jerking her head towards him until she was staring into his eyes.

"Don't defy me, you know better than that," Zoom whispered, but Caitlin just blinked, not saying anything in response. She didn't feel any fear, didn't feel anything. She just stared at a spot on his cheek, and counted slowly in her head. Counting was the only thing that let her disconnect from her surroundings and environment; she needed the escape.

"Dammit, Caitlin," Zoom growled, but far from flinching at his angry tone, she just inhaled and exhaled calmly, counting all the while.

He forced himself on top of her body, pushing her down against the bed. Again, she didn't fight him; just let her reality slip away from her. She pictured Ronnie, conjuring his face in her mind's eye. He was holding her hand, telling her everything was alright, that he was there. She let herself believe that, all the way until Zoom got off her, and walked out of the room without a second glance.

XXXX

The fifth day was much as the same as the fourth day. Food and Zoom. It was becoming a routine. She counted, and listened to Ronnie's gentle voice wash over her, soothing her aching muscles.

The only thing that was different on the fifth day was that Caitlin's hair whipped around her, while Zoom was kissing her neck, and she blinked.

"Get the hell off her," Barry snarled, thrusting his fist forward, and reaching exposed skin. Caitlin could tell Zoom was shocked with the way he didn't fight back at first. Then, all hell broke loose, and the two speedsters were battling it out. Caitlin didn't move, didn't flinch. She just laid on the bed, playing with the chain around her ankle. Caitlin didn't know who was winning the battle; didn't know if it was friend or foe. All she knew was that Barry suddenly shouted, "now, Cisco!" and Cisco appeared. He surged forward, injecting Zoom with something, and Caitlin watched as he fell to his knees. She watched as his electricity danced around him fiercely, before slowly starting to dim.

"What did you do to me?" Zoom screamed, and Caitlin heard fear underlining his fury. It was slightly interesting. But, counting was more interesting to her now than Zoom's anger and despair.

She tuned out what Barry was saying, but kept a steady eye on the wall she was counting the cracks in. She had reached 4,365 and was determined to get to 4,400. It wasn't until she felt a soft hand on her cheek did she stop and look up. Zoom was laying on the ground, motionless, Jay once more; the man behind the mask. Cisco was looking at her in concern, as was Barry.

"Hold on," Caitlin whispered, voice hoarse from not having spoken in a while. "I'm almost at 4,400."

Cisco cradled her cheek. "Caitlin, listen to me: you're safe. It's over. We're getting you home."

She watched as Barry vibrated the cuff off her leg, and watched it as it dropped to ground with a loud clank in fascination.

"It sounds heavier than it feels. Interesting," Caitlin murmured. Barry and Cisco exchanged a panicked look but eased her up all the same. Barry wrapped one arm around her waist, while Cisco pulled her arm across his shoulder.

"We just have to make it to the breach," Cisco murmured.

"Did you guys know Killer Frost had a brother? He passed away," Caitlin said as they walked.

"We're going to get to the breach and then we're going to get you some help, Cait, I promise," Barry said softly.

"No one can help me," Caitlin whispered as they walked.

"Shh, Cait, it's okay now," Cisco soothed, and she realized they were scared. Not of her, but for her. She felt like she should be touched by their concern, but she hadn't been able to muster the energy to feel anything for the five days she had been there, so she just stayed quiet and they walked onward, not once looking back at the cave that held her prisoner.

Author's note: Prologue. I got the idea off a one shot request I got, and decided to turn it into a story, but go down different avenues I want to explore. Let me know if it sounds interesting. Other stories, (Puzzle Pieces, Masks, and one shots), to be updated this weekend. XOXO


	2. Coming to terms

Once they had made it back to the breach Barry paused, and looked at Caitlin.

"I have to pick you up now, Cait," he murmured, and her heart stuttered, but she nodded nonetheless. He picked her up and held her gently in his arms.

"Is this alright?" Barry asked once her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, and she nodded, laying her head against his chest.

"Just, please get me home," Caitlin whispered, shutting her eyes.

"We will, we promise," Cisco replied softly, and they walked into the breach. Caitlin kept her eyes shut as they were transported back to their earth. Soon enough, she opened her eyes, and they were back in Star Labs. Barry didn't let go of her, and she was grateful; she was afraid she'd stumble and go tumbling right to the ground.

"We've got to get you to the hospital," Barry murmured, and she nodded tiredly. She knew they needed to run tests, verify if she was pregnant or not. She wasn't stupid, she knew there was a very real chance she could be carrying that monster's child. She didn't want to think about it.

"Hold on, alright?" Barry asked softly, and she wrapped her arms even more tightly around his neck. He looked at Cisco.

"Gather everyone and tell them to meet us at the hospital, alright?" Barry asked, and Caitlin thought about arguing him on that, but was simply too tired to do anything. So, she stayed silent.

Cisco nodded his head and squeezed Caitlin's shoulder gently; she worked hard to not flinch, now that she was away from the cave and the true reality of what happened was settling around her like a storm settled in on the land.

"Hold on, Cait," he whispered. She didn't say anything back, and he dropped his hand. Barry was running the next moment, and she tucked her head into the crook of his neck, dizzy from the break-neck speed he was running at.

As they ran, Caitlin tried not to think about what happened, or the possible outcomes. She tried not to think about anything. She let herself continue to disengage from her surroundings, like she had done in the cave. When they reached the hospital, Barry slowed down, trying not to jostle her in his arms.

"We're here," he said, but she didn't say anything, opting to continue stay quiet. He sent her a worried glance before running into the hospital at a normal speed.

"I need some help here," he called, and a nurse immediately ran towards them.

"I'm Katie, what happened?" Katie asked urgently, pushing a bed towards them. Barry laid Caitlin down on it gently, before addressing Katie.

"She's been sexually assaulted, and isn't really saying much," he said.

"She's in shock," Katie supplied. "That's normal for trauma victims. We'll get her to Jenny. She's our trauma doctor, and treats victims with gentle care."

Barry nodded his head. "I'm going back there with you guys."

"It'd be best if you stayed out in the waiting room, wait for us until we can give you some answers," Katie replied, getting ready to wheel her back, but Barry shook his head.

"I'm going back there with her, she needs a friend," he said firmly.

"Please let him," Caitlin spoke up for the first time, and he squeezed her hand.

"Please," Barry implored, and Katie sighed, before nodding her head.

"Stay out of our way while we take care of her," Katie warned, and Barry nodded quickly. They then ran to a room behind the closed doors, Barry holding Caitlin's hand all the while.

Caitlin let herself be lifted onto the table, to let the doctors get to work. However, as soon as they got ready to spread her legs, she clamped them shut tightly, squeezing her eyes shut

"Don't," Caitlin choked out. "Please, don't."

"Give me a moment with her," Barry implored the nurses, and they took a step back, following his lead.

"Cait," Barry soothed, pushing her hair back. "Look at me."

She opened her eyes slowly, keeping her legs firmly shut.

"I'm right here with you. I won't let them do anything they're not supposed to, alright?" Barry whispered, but she shook her head.

"Can't," she uttered, feeling fear lock inside her muscles, shutting her body down. He squeezed her hand gently.

"Yes, you can. I'm right here. All you have to do is keep your eyes on me," he encouraged softly, and she thought about that. Barry had been one of her best friends since the previous year; she trusted him inexplicably. She could do this. She nodded her head.

"Promise you'll stay with me?" Caitlin asked timidly, and he nodded.

"I'm not going anywhere," he promised with conviction, and that was enough to soothe her aching heart. She looked at Katie, who smiled encouragingly at her.

"Our testing will be over quickly," she murmured, and Caitlin nodded. She unclamped her legs, and Barry held her hand.

"Eyes on me, Cait," he said gently, and she looked at him as the examination began. Katie tried to be gentle with her poking and prodding, but it still hurt enough to make Caitlin gasp, and tears well in her eyes,

"Ah," she gasped, squeezing her eyes shut. Barry rubbed a soothing thumb across her knuckles.

"You're doing so good, Cait, so good," he praised, and she bit her lip, willing the tears to not fall. She hadn't cried in the cave, she'd be damned if she started now.

The examination lasted for about half an hour, and Caitlin powered through it. Barry even started singing softly at one point, and hearing her friend's melodious voice helped soothe some of the tension that popped up along her neck and shoulders.

"We're through, Caitlin," Katie said softly, and Caitlin inhaled shakily; it was over.

"You did so good, Cait," Barry praised, and she smiled slightly.

"Thank you," she breathed out, tired. She fell silent then, having been exhausted with the talking she had done before the examination, and after. It wasn't much, this was true, but it was still enough to leave her tired to the bone. Barry must've noticed how she had gone quiet, because he rubbed her back softly.

"Keep talking to me, Cait," he implored, but she simply shook head and stared straight in front of her.

"it's alright, she's still in shock. It'll take her some time to move away from it," Katie reminded him, before looking at Caitlin.

"Jenny will be with you momentarily," she said, and Caitlin still didn't reply.

XXX

After waiting for a bit, Jenny walked in. Barry was the first one to notice her because he stood up from where he had been sitting next to the table, singing softly, and looked at her.

"Are you Jenny?" Barry asked, and she smiled.

"I am," she verified. "You two must be Barry and Caitlin."

"We are. What can you tell us?" Barry asked.

"Caitlin, is it alright to go over our results in front of Barry?" Jenny asked, but Caitlin didn't say anything.

"She's in shock, so hasn't really talked much," Barry said, and Jenny nodded her head.

"Understandable. Caitlin, if you're alright with Barry still being in the room, just nod your head. All I need from you," Jenny said gently. Ever so slowly, Caitlin nodded her head.

"Perfect," Jenny praised. She consulted her notes, and Caitlin felt her heart start racing. She inhaled deeply, trying to get a grip on herself.

"Good news: you're not pregnant," Jenny said first, and that made Caitlin calm down. She exhaled shakily, before nodding her head. Jenny took that as her cue to continue.

"You've got some bruises, but those will heal shortly. You'll feel sore for several weeks, which is to be expected, so I'm calling in a pain medication for you. I just want you to take it easy, alright?" Jenny asked. Barry could tell that she wasn't going to answer, so cleared his throat.

"Me, and the rest of her friends, will make sure she does," he commented, and Jenny smiled at him.

"Finally, I want to urge you to talk to someone. The hospital has recommendations for therapists who specialize in cases like these," Jenny said. Caitlin blinked, before shaking her head.

"It might not be a bad thing, Cait," Barry murmured, but she shook her head more firmly this time.

Jenny sighed. "I'll just give you a card with a list of therapists and their numbers on it, alright?"

She pulled one out of her coat pocket and place it into Caitlin's hand; Caitlin clutched it tightly.

"Now," Jenny said. "It's not a requirement that you spend the night here, but we strongly urge you to do so."

Caitlin thought about it for a moment, thinking about a hospital bed versus her bed.

"I just want to go home," she whispered, fiddling with a loose string in her gown.

"Alright," Jenny murmured. "Just make sure to get some sleep."

Jenny stayed and chatted for a bit longer, before walking away, and coming back with Caitlin's discharge papers. Soon, Caitlin was leaving the hospital, with Barry, and the rest of the team who had showed up and were sitting in the waiting room in tow. She knew that now the horror was over, she just had to survive the journey. Too bad she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to withstand the battles that were surely on their way.

Author's note: Hope you enjoy this chapter XOXO


	3. Fallout

Harry drove Caitlin to her apartment, with the rest of team in the van, too. Caitlin stayed silent the whole ride, but did notice Cisco's hand resting over her smaller one, protecting it with his own. It felt nice. As nice as anything could feel. Her body ached from the examination Katie did, then, from the attacks themselves. Caitlin wanted a cup of tea, and to be laying her in bed, not surrounded by anybody. She knew sleep would be elusive, but she was hoping for some peace and quiet; give herself time to think. She wasn't sure if thinking was the healthiest thing now, to relive what happened; however, she knew she needed to sit down and dissect what happened, piece by broken piece.

When Harry pulled up to her apartment complex, she wordlessly opened the door, getting ready to get out. Barry still her with a hand to her wrist and she flinched.

"Sorry, Cait," he murmured, and she looked at him.

"I'm going to walk you up, okay?" Barry asked softly, but she shook her head, indicating that she'd be fine walking up on her own.

"Please, Cait, don't argue me on this. I'd feel better knowing you got inside your apartment safely," Barry interrupted her head mid-shake, and she sighed, thinking about her options. She nodded mutely, giving him wordless permission to walk her. Cisco unbuckled his own seatbelt.

"I'm coming with you guys," he said, and Caitlin sighed, simply too tired to argue with him, as well. The three friends got out of the van, and began their walk to her apartment. Cisco placed his hand on Caitlin's lower back and she flinched, before stepping away from him. He frowned apologetically.

"Sorry, Cait," he murmured, and she let it go. They made it to her apartment, and she walked inside; they wordlessly followed her.

"I'll make you some tea," Cisco said, and she nodded her consent, sitting down on her sofa. Barry sat down next to her, and held her hand. She wanted to snap at him that she wasn't a baby; that she didn't need to be coddled, but she hadn't found her voice since loosing it completely at the hospital. So, she let him hold her hand. It felt a little nice, regardless. Cisco returned a few minutes later, handing her the tea.

"Here you go, Cait," he said gently, and she wrapped her hands around the mug, trying to fight off the cold that slipped unforgivingly into her bones. She took a sip, feeling it slide down her raw throat. They sat there, staring in front of themselves, not knowing what to say. Caitlin wasn't sure how the first tear fell, not having felt them creep up on her, but Cisco handed her a tissue out of the box on her coffee table nonetheless. She dabbed at her eyes, trapping the tear sliding down her cheeks inside the tissue, but two more simply followed, determined to be the ones that got away. Eventually, she stopped trying to catch them.

Caitlin felt a deep pain start in her chest, threatening to drown her. She tried to stifle any noise wanting to come out of her, but a sound that a wounded animal might make eventually broke free. Soon, she was crying uncontrollably. The weight of her anguish crashed over here like angry waves against the shore, and soon, she was rocking back and forth, trying to keep the pain locked inside her.

"Don't fight it, Cait," Barry whispered into her ear, placing his hand against her wrist. She nodded, gasping for air as the memories flooded her. Zoom. His breath against her ear. His lips trailing kisses all over her body. Not gentle, never gentle. What she fought so hard against in the cave and the hospital, (her crying), broke free and she was wailing. She felt disgusting, like an alien in a battered body. She knew that she should shower, scrub any reminders of him off her, but for now, she simply needed to cry. Barry and Cisco didn't try to hold any other part of her besides her hands, the only things she felt comfortable with letting them touch. A part of her felt embarrassed at them witnessing this.

"I-I'm so-sorry," she croaked, but Cisco squeezed her hand, while Barry shook his head firmly.

"That's the last time I want to hear you apologizing for this. What that monster did to you is not your fault, alright?" Barry asked vehemently, and she knew he wasn't being harsh on purpose; that he just wanted her to understand.

She continued to cry, surprised that she had the energy to cry as hard as she was. She felt broken beyond repair, and knew, sadly, that she probably was. She wasn't sure how anyone could expect her to bounce back from something like this, let alone survive it. After a solid half hour of crying, Caitlin's tears ran dry and all the was left was a dull ache in her heart.

"I'll reheat up your tea," Cisco said quietly, averting his eyes. Caitlin wasn't stupid; she saw how they, too, were red rimmed. She sniffled as he walked off, head feeling blocked from all the crying that she had done.

"Just, take a couple of deep breaths, alright?" Barry asked her softly, and she followed his instruction, acutely aware that she had waded in hysteria. By the time her breathing regulated, Cisco had come back in with her tea, and she accepted it, taking a sip.

"I need a shower," she croaked out, voice raw from all the crying.

"I want you to drink all that tea first though, alright? It's chamomile; helps you relax," Cisco stated.

"That's why I bought it in the first place," Caitlin whispered. The three friends fell silent then, and she steadily drank her tea, sniffling occasionally. When it was finished, Cisco took the cup back into the kitchen and washed and dried it, before returning to her living room.

"I'm going to stay here with you tonight, alright?" Cisco asked softly.

"I don't need to be babied," Caitlin whispered dully, but Cisco shook his head.

"It's not about babying you; it's about making sure you're alright. Besides, it's not like I'll be getting any sleep tonight, regardless," he reminded her.

"That makes two of us," she muttered.

"I'll take the floor, you can have the couch, Cisco," Barry stated, and Caitlin looked at him in surprise.

"You're my friend too, Cait. I'm not going anywhere, either," he promised. She nodded then, and got them pillows and blankets, before heading off to shower.

As the water ran down her, she scrubbed harshly at her body, trying to get rid of the feeling of his hands on her, as well as wipe away the memory of his menacing laughter. She scrubbed ferociously, until she was raw red, and even had drawn a little blood. She got out of the shower then, noticing her pajamas, and favorite sweater, sitting on the counter. Either Barry or Cisco must have put them in there for her, assuming she wouldn't be comfortable with walking to her bedroom in just a towel. They were right; she wouldn't have been.

After toweling off and getting dressed, Caitlin made her way back to the living room, where her friends were waiting up for her.

"Try to get some sleep, alright?" Cisco asked softly, and she nodded, feeling the quiet she had started resorting to creeping in on her again. Cisco raised his arms, and paused halfway, before dropping them back to his sides.

"Something tells me a hug is the last thing you want," he said quietly, and she shrugged, before nodding her head. Barry smiled softly at her.

"That's alright," he murmured. "We understand. Just try and get some sleep."

After making sure they were situated, Caitlin made her way to her room, and sat down on her bed. Sighing, she felt a lump wedge itself painfully in her throat and, knowing it was going to be a long night, succumbed to tears once more. At least, they were silent this time.

Author's note: Hope you enjoy. XOXO


	4. Early talks

Caitlin wasn't sure how long she stayed up for, crying, but sleep eventually found her and she welcomed it with open arms. Her dreams were filled with Zoom, and the cave. She was his victim once more, being attacked mercilessly while he laughed and taunted her. She knew, even in her dreams, that she wouldn't be able to escape him. He would continue to haunt her, even in his death. She woke up sometime in the early hours of the morning, shaking uncontrollably, and with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Sighing, she snagged a tissue out of the box she brought into her room with her, and wiped at her face fiercely. Caitlin couldn't believe she still had tears after shedding so many earlier, but here they were, sliding down her face like rain slid down a mountain. She eventually got out of bed, and made her way into her living room. A quick peek in told her that her two friends found sleep, too. Smiling slightly, she then made her way into the kitchen, on the hunt for some more tea.

After getting some, she headed back to her room as quietly as she could, cracked her door, and sat back down on her bed. Sipping her tea, she pulled her journal towards her, and began to try and make sense of what happened, knowing that it would be a long process. But, she had to try. She felt like it was the only way she could even attempt to begin to attain any peace.

As she wrote, she let her mind wander to the days spent in the cave, and her fears. Fears at never being found, fears at Zoom breaking her. He seemed to succeed at that one, she thought bitterly. She continued to write, jotting down any ideas or thoughts that came to her. It wasn't until she heard a gentle knock at her door, did she look up. Barry was smiling at her softly.

"May I come in?" Barry asked quietly, and she nodded, giving him wordless permission to enter her bedroom. Barry walked in and sat down on her bed gently, looking at her journal before looking at her curiously.

"Shouldn't you try and be sleeping?" Barry asked quietly, and she shrugged a shoulder, but didn't say anything. Barry sighed.

"Cait, you have to try and not lose your voice," he murmured. "Don't let that monster take that away from you."

Caitlin thought about that, thinking about how easier it was to just simply not talk; to stay silent and protect herself. However, she knew Barry had a point. By silencing herself, Zoom won. He succeeded in what he was aiming to do: break her.

"I slept for a little bit, but nightmares visited me all night," she said quietly, hoarsely. Barry placed his hand over hers' gently, and rubbed the skin there with the pad of his thumb.

"Understandable," he murmured, and she nodded her head.

"I just couldn't fall back asleep, so thought I'd get some writing done," she looked down at her journal, and he smiled softly.

"If writing down your thoughts helps you come to terms with what happened to you, then I'm all for it," he encouraged, and it was her turn to smile slightly.

"I write to help come to terms with anything that happens in my life. When my dad died, when Ronnie died…" she trailed off with a frown. That death was still so raw to her, and every time she thought about it, it was like a pang of sadness hitting her, hard.

"He was in the cave with me," she whispered, then noticed how Barry looked at her worriedly, and quickly clarified.

"Not physically, I know he's dead. I mean, each time Zoom attacked me, I could hear Ronnie's voice, clear as day. He would tell me he was there with me, and that it was okay; that I was okay," she murmured. She thought over how safe his voice had made her feel; how secure.

"It was the only thing that helped me hold on," she added a moment later.

"You're a fighter, Cait," Barry murmured, smiling at her. She sighed, and quickly shook her head.

"Don't say that," she muttered. "I didn't fight him back once. Just sat there, letting him do whatever he wanted."

Barry squeezed her hand. "I don't want you to feel guilty for that."

"Why not?" Caitlin scoffed. "I just let him get away with whatever he wanted to do."

"He's the only one to blame for his actions, and he's gone," Barry stated firmly. "So, don't you dare feel guilty, or feel like that by not fighting back you deserved it."

"How'd you know what I was thinking?" Caitlin whispered, staring down at her bedspread.

"Because I know you," Barry said simply, and that eased a little bit of the pain she was feeling.

"And, you're not disappointed in me for not fighting back?" Caitlin asked softly.

"I'm never disappointed in you, Cait," Barry said with such conviction, she knew he was telling the truth. They fell silent then, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Barry started humming softly, and it relaxed some of the tension that had a made a home for itself inside of Caitlin's muscles.

"Thank you," she murmured a moment later, and Barry looked at her.

"For what, Cait?" Barry asked.

"For not thinking I deserved it," she supplied quietly, fiddling with a loose fray in her bedspread.

"Look at me, please," Barry murmured and, inhaling shakily, she looked up, meeting his eyes.

"I want you to really listen to me, alright?" Barry asked, and she nodded her head, searching every line on his face.

"I will never, ever think you deserved that. No one does. You've been through so much in your life and to have to go through something as traumatic as this on top of everything is simply unfathomable and unfair," he said firmly. "Don't you dare think I hold you personally responsible for anything. Do you hear me?"

Caitlin studied his eyes, searching for any hint of dishonesty. After not finding any, she nodded her head.

"I hear you," she said. "I hear you."

Nothing more was said between the two friends, but Barry did opt to stay up with her for a bit, singing softly. It helped her grow tired once more.

"You should sleep," Barry finally said, after seeing her eyelids droop.

"Afraid," she murmured.

"Of what, Cait?" Barry asked gently.

"Nightmares," she muttered sheepishly. Barry squeezed her hand.

"How about I bring my blankets in here and take the floor? That way, if you have any nightmares, I'll be right here to help you work through them?" Barry asked softly, and she thought about his offer.

"Promise you'll take the floor?" Caitlin asked timidly, wondering if she was ever going to trust a man again.

"I promise," he said strongly.

"Alright, thank you," she said after another moment of thinking. He went and retrieved his pillows and blankets, and made a pallet on the floor. He then looked back at her.

"Sleep now, Cait," he murmured, and she nodded her head tiredly, before turning off the light. He started singing gently, and it wasn't long before she succumbed to her tiredness once more.

Authors note: Just one between Caitlin and Barry.


	5. Forward

When Caitlin woke next, it was morning, with sunlight streaming in through her blinds. Feeling as if the weather did not reflect her mood, she glanced down and noticed Barry on his phone.

"Morning," she murmured, and he looked up, smiling softly.

"No nightmares," he greeted her, and she nodded her head.

"No nightmares," she agreed. They fell silent then, with Caitlin busying herself with her email for a few moments. It was mainly junk, but the occasional email from Star Labs crept into the mix, and she read them thoroughly, before deciding if it was junk, too. When she was through, she glanced at Barry.

"Coffee?" Caitlin asked quietly, and he smiled warmly at her.

"Coffee," he murmured. They got up then, with Caitlin wrapping her sweater tightly around her. It was a sweater Ronnie got her their first Christmas together, one that his mother had sewn. She knew that the older woman put a lot of time and effort into making sure the sweater was just right; it was Caitlin's favorite sweater to memory.

When they stepped into the living room, they spotted Cisco still sleeping, so made their way into the kitchen quietly. Caitlin wasn't a woman of many words this morning, something Barry picked up on. After the coffee was brewing, he looked at her.

"Penny for your thoughts, Cait?" Barry asked gently, and she just shrugged.

"Not thinking about much," she admitted honestly. "Thinking takes me down avenues I'd rather not explore right now, if ever."

Barry frowned in sympathy. "Understandable."

They both fell silent again, each watching the coffee as it brewed. It wasn't until the delicious smell of coffee was wafting through her kitchen, did Barry clear his throat.

"Have you thought anymore about Jenny's offer?" Barry asked quietly. Caitlin didn't have to search through her memories to understand what he was asking her.

"I don't know if I want a therapist," she murmured, staring at the coffee as the last bit dripped into the pot. There was the usual beep, telling her it was ready, and she got two mugs down. They poured their drinks, with her directing her head to the left of her, where the fridge was, indicating that there was creamer in there, should he want any.

"A therapist might not be a bad idea, Cait," Barry said gently as they sat down at her table. She stared into her coffee mug, thinking about her options. She sighed.

"I just don't know if I need help," she finally said.

"Don't know if you need help or if you want to admit that you need help?" Barry asked softly, and she bit her lip.

"Both," she muttered after thinking for a moment. Barry placed his hand over hers' and squeezed it gently.

"You know, after my mom died, I wish someone had offered the opportunity of therapy for me," he murmured, and Caitlin looked at him.

"You did?" Caitlin asked quietly.

"Mhm," Barry replied. "It would've made her death a lot easier to accept if someone was there, helping me navigate my way through it."

Caitlin looked at him for a moment longer before redirecting her attention back to her mug.

"What if everyone judges me?" Caitlin whispered, blinking past the moisture that had gathered in her eyes.

"Caitlin, look at me," Barry said, and she exhaled shakily, looking up at him.

"No one, and I mean no one is going to judge you for admitting you need help bigger than what we can offer. Especially not after what you've been through," he stated firmly, and that eased the beating of her heart.

"Promise?" Caitlin asked.

"Promise," Barry verified, and the two friends shared a smile.

"Ah, but is that a promise he can keep, Cait?" Jay's voice asked, and Caitlin blinked, startled. She looked around her room, not having to search far, before finding him. Jay was leaning against her kitchen counter, arms followed, and smug smirk intact. Caitlin gulped, wondering if this was her imagination playing tricks on her or if Zoom really could haunt her, even in his death. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the image. Barry looked at her.

"Are you alright?" Barry asked in concern and, after looking around a moment more, she nodded her head.

"Fine," she whispered shakily. Zoom was gone. The question was, for how long?

XXXX

Cisco got up soon after that, and made his way into the kitchen.

"Morning," he murmured, and Caitlin nodded her head at him.

"Morning, there's fresh coffee," she replied, tilting her head towards the pot. Cisco smiled appreciatively and got a cup, before sitting down at the table with them. He looked at Caitlin, before dropping his eyes back to his mug.

"How are you feeling?" Cisco asked timidly, and Caitlin wondered if he was going to be shy around her from here on out. She hoped not. Sighing, she shrugged a shoulder.

"Decent enough, I suppose," she murmured, deciding to not mention that she may or may not have just hallucinated a dead man. The verdict was still out on that one. Cisco nodded his head, but didn't say anything. Caitlin had the sneaking suspicion he didn't know what to say. That made two of them. She took a sip of her coffee to give herself something to do, cradling the mug between her cold hands. She had been cold since the day Zoom kidnapped her; cold since the day she found out Zoom and Jay were one in the same. She sighed, and Cisco looked at her.

"What's wrong, Cait?" Cisco asked softly.

"Just mad at myself," she muttered, and both Barry and Cisco frowned.

"Mad at yourself about what?" Cisco hedged, seemingly unsure of where his best friend's thoughts were.

"Just for not realizing that Zoom and Jay were the same person," Caitlin murmured.

"Cait, you can't blame yourself for that," Barry said point blank, and she laughed bitterly.

"Can't I, though? If I hadn't been wrapped up in meeting someone knew I would've realized just what kind of monster he was; what he was capable of," she said.

"None of us knew," Cisco whispered.

"I'm a scientist," Caitlin emphasized. "It's my job to recognize facts when they're staring me dead in the face."

"If that's your argument, then we're all lousy scientists," Barry argued.

"He has a point, Cait," Cisco murmured. "We're all scientists, and none of us caught onto his secret."

"If that's going to be the reason you blame yourself, then we're all to blame equally," Barry said, and Caitlin stared at them for a long moment, biting her lip. She nodded after another moment's hesitation.

"Alright," she whispered, not wanting to get stuck in the same poisonous loop she had found herself in since discovering Jay's identity. "Alright."

They didn't say much else, just drank their coffees. However, Caitlin did think about Barry's attempt at persuasion; persuasion to see the therapist. Maybe, it was her only way forward. Sighing, she knew she had a lot of decisions to make. She just hopped Jay wouldn't be visiting her anytime soon while making them. Little did she know, this was just the start of a long road she'd be walking down.

Author's note: Feedback welcome.


	6. Hallucinations

Three months later

XXXX

Three months had passed and with them, Caitlin found the strength to carry on. She knew that she still had a long way to go; that she wasn't anywhere near the neighborhood of okay, but she was getting by. And that was good enough for her.

They were all in star labs, running over Barry's latest results, when Caitlin truly found herself at ease for the first time. The hair on the back of her neck wasn't standing up, no goosebumps creeping up her arm, raising alarm; nothing. She took it as a win. She scrolled through the information on her iPad, looking at all the notes she had taken for Barry when he went and did his latest sweep of the city.

"Am I passing, Dr. Snow?" Barry asked her quietly, alerting her to his present by a soft clearing of his throat. Caitlin wasn't stupid; no matter how much progress she may have made, she still had triggers. And people creeping up on her was one of them. She smiled appreciatively at Barry's thoughtfulness.

"With flying colors," she murmured, eyes directed back to her iPad. She swiped through some of her old notes, making comparisons to those with her current ones, before showing Barry.

"Your speed is even better than it was before…he took it away," she tripped over the last words, her sentence getting cut in half. Barry smiled comfortingly, running his thumb over the back of her hand in soothing motions.

"Good, that's good," he murmured, opting to not say anything about her mistake; she was grateful.

"I really am glad you have your speed back," she said softly, smiling at him. He dipped his head appreciatively.

"And, I'm glad you're doing better," he murmured, and she nodded her head.

"I think I am," she agreed quietly, thinking over all the progress she had made. About a month into her return, Caitlin found she didn't need her friends to sleep in her living room. It wasn't because she stopped having nightmares, far from it; but rather, because she was able to navigate her way through those nightmares. When she realized she was able to do that, she kindly thanked her friends for staying with her for as long as they did, but she thought she had a grip on the situation from here on out. To their credit, there had only been minimal protesting. They eventually admitted defeat, and left her alone in her apartment every night.

True, the nightmares weren't as apparent, the hallucinations were still there. She saw Zoom everywhere. In her bedroom, living room, star labs. Everywhere.

"Don't you think it's about time you got used to that, darling?" Zoom asked, and Caitlin flinched. Despite being used to his presence now, he still managed to surprise her. Not looking up once, she merely rolled her eyes and focused on Barry's hand that was resting on her shoulder. The other good thing about making it three months after an attack? She didn't mind when certain people touched her. She had to know the person, and had to trust them inexplicably. So basically, Cisco and Barry were the only one's who could touch her.

Zoom tutted, and made his way towards her. Caitlin inhaled, and exhaled, as evenly as she could, trying to not draw attention to her predicament or spook Barry.

"C'mon, Caity, you're smarter than that," Zoom whispered in her ear, and she shivered.

"You know that I'm not going away, no matter how much you ignore me. I'll always been in here," he tapped her forehead, and Caitlin shut off her iPad with fumbling fingers.

"Yeah, so, your results look good," she exhaled, trying to control the shaking in her voice. She must've not succeeded, because Barry looked at her in concern, touching his hand to her wrist.

"Cait, hey, are you alright?" Barry asked softly, carefully. That was another thing since returning from her prison: Barry, (and everyone else), was always so gentle. Treating her as if she was fragile. She didn't have the heart to scold them for babying her, not when their hearts were in the right place. She swallowed, and nodded her head.

"Fine. I think I'm just going to call it an early night. City's slow, anyway," she murmured, walking to her desk and slipping her sweater on. Once the familiar smell of Ronnie was surrounding her, (however faint), she sent Barry a stronger smile.

"Honestly. I'm fine. Just tired," she assured, and, after biting his lip, he nodded his head.

"Alright, get some sleep. And, remember that I'm a phone call away, and can be at your apartment in moments," he reminded her. He always parted away from her with the same reminder, letting her know that she wasn't alone; that he was never far away. She nodded, and smiled tiredly.

"Thanks, Barry," she murmured. She ducked out of the cortex then, making her way to her car. Once inside, she locked the doors, and turned the radio up. Zoom laughed.

"Do you really think locked doors and music can keep me away, Caity?" Zoom taunted, and she grit her teeth, backing out of the parking lot as she did so.

"Shut up," she hissed. "You're not real."

Zoom tsked. "Oh, Caitlin. If only it were that easy."

Not having the energy to ask what that meant, nor to talk to her hallucinations for a moment longer than she had to, she simply turned her music up louder, and drove away. His laughter rang in her ears the entire drive home.

XXX

When Caitlin got home, she worked hard to ignore fake Zoom as best as she could. She hurried through her shower, going as far as toweling off and getting dressed in her shower, before heading back into her living room, journal tucked underneath her arm. When she sat down, she began to write, steadily ignoring Zoom's side comments.

"I really did a number on you, didn't I?" Zoom sang, but Caitlin kept putting pen to paper, and writing. She knew that if she didn't reply, he'd eventually go away. She was half right. By the time her doorbell rang, he seemed to vanish into thin air. Looking around once more for good measure, she made her way to the door. After peeking out of the peephole, she opened it with a smile.

"Hello, Barry," she murmured, and her friend smiled at her.

"Brought dinner," he replied, holding up the bag. She smelt the orange chicken before she saw it, and her mouth watered.

"Thank God, it's been awhile since I've eaten," she said, leading him towards the coffee table.

"If the twenty pounds you've lost is anything to go by, I believe you," Barry said quietly, pulling out the cartons of food. She looked down guiltily.

"Sorry, just have had other things on my mind," she murmured, and he nodded.

"I know, that's why Cisco, and myself, have tagged teamed with each other to make sure you keep eating. Can't have you getting sick on us," he replied gently, and she smiled.

"Pass the orange chicken, then," she murmured, and he did, with them swapping out a few of their favorites from their own cartons as they began to eat.

XXXX

A few hours later found Barry and Caitlin leaning against her couch, full of their meal earlier.

Biting her lip, Caitlin forced out the question she really didn't want to ask.

"Hey, Barry, would…would you consider staying here a few more nights?" Caitlin asked, biting her bottom lip anxiously.

"Of course," he replied, immediately; no questions asked. She sighed in relief.

"Thanks," she breathed out, feeling far safer than she had before he showed up.

"Can I ask you a question in turn?" Barry asked quietly, and she nodded her head, wondering what he was going to ask her.

"Have you thought anymore about Jenny's offer?" Barry asked.

"About therapists?" Caitlin asked, and he nodded his head. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair.

"I really think I have a grip on myself," she murmured, opting to not mention seeing Zoom everywhere. He may be understanding, but Caitlin still thought Barry's worry would increase if she mentioned that bit of information to him.

"It's not about you having a grip on yourself, Cait," he murmured. "It's about you knowing you have support. All support possible."

She thought his response through, eventually nodding her head a few moments later.

"Alright," she murmured. "I'll see if I can find one I like."

He smiled at her, and they didn't say anything more. Just sat there, enjoying each other's company, and, for Caitlin, the quiet of her apartment.

Author's note: Just to get the ball rolling in the direction I need it to. I'm going to be working with the PTSD they introduced at the end of second season. Also, knew story up, called Secrets Within. Read it if you wish. XOXO


	7. Therapy

After some hunting, Caitlin found a therapist that specialized in meta humans; specifically, traumatic cases with meta humans. Once she had made some calls, she scheduled for an appointment with Theresa, the following Friday. Nobody but Barry, and Cisco, knew she had the appointment; they promised to cover for her at Star Labs.

Once she got to the little cottage type house that Theresa had instructed her to come to, Caitlin turned off her car and stared up at the house. Was she sure she didn't want to turn around and drive away while she still had the chance? She could always tell her friends she went, after all.

"What are you waiting for, Caity?' Zoom asked, and she gritted her teeth.

"Shut up," she snapped, and he laughed.

"If I promise to be on my best behavior, do I get to go into the therapy session as well?" Zoom taunted, and Caitlin huffed before flinging her car door open and getting out. She'd be damned if she sat in a car listening to hallucinations for the next hour. Making her way inside the house, she noticed a woman sitting at a computer desk, and cleared her throat. The woman looked up.

"Hi, I'm Cassie, Theresa's assistant," Cassie greeted, before consulting her notes.

"You must be Caitlin Snow," she added a moment later, looking up expectantly to see if she was correct. Caitlin swallowed her nerves, and nodded her head.

"I am," she replied, willing her voice to not shake.

"Great, Theresa will be out momentarily. In the meantime, I just have some paperwork for you to fill out. Just standard procedure," Cassie promised, and Caitlin accepted the paper work she was handing her, and took a seat on the sofa lining the wall, before beginning to fill out the questionnaire. Once she was through answering the questions to the best of her ability, she held onto it, like Cassie instructed; she was supposed to give it Theresa herself.

When Theresa walked out of a room down the hall a few minutes later, Caitlin's entire leg was shaking, and she had to work hard to stand up on it without falling back down.

"Caitlin?" Theresa asked kindly, and Caitlin nodded her head.

"I'm Theresa, as I'm sure you know. If you just want to follow me down the hall," she encouraged gently, and perhaps she noticed that Caitlin was shaking. Caitlin clutched the paperwork in her hands tightly, and sent what was a valiant attempt at a smile towards Cassie.

Once the two women were seated inside Theresa's office, with Caitlin taking the couch, Theresa looked at her.

"May I?" Theresa asked gently, pointing at the crumpled paperwork in Caitlin's hands.

"Oh, sorry," Caitlin muttered, attempting to smooth it out before she passed it off to her.

"No need for apologies," Theresa said kindly, accepting the paperwork. She stared down at it for a moment, eyes flickering over the information Caitlin had provided. Once she was through, she looked back up at Caitlin.

"So, a meta human brings you here?" Theresa asked softly, and Caitlin nodded her head, folding her limbs into herself; trying to make herself small. Smaller than she already was.

"Mind me asking what occurred?" Theresa asked quietly. Caitlin opened her mouth, answer on the tip of her tongue. Instead, a strangled gasp escaped her, and she bite down on her tongue hard, keeping her emotions in check.

"That's alright," Theresa soothed. "Let's start with an easier topic. What do you do for a living?"

Star Labs. Caitlin could talk about Star Labs. So, she did so. She spent the first half hour of her session going into detail about her job, explaining all the intricacies of her work; her friends. When she got to the part where she had to explain about meeting Jay after Ronnie's death, Caitlin paused.

"And, have you met someone since Ronnie, Caitlin?" Theresa asked gently. Tears filled in Caitlin's eyes, and Theresa was pushing her the box of tissues resting on the table between them.

"Thank you," Caitlin muttered, taking one and dabbing at her eyes. She took a steadying breath.

"You could say that I met someone," she said vehemently, feeling angry.

"That's right, Caity, hold onto that anger," Zoom whispered, and Caitlin gasped, turning her head to the left of her.

"Caitlin, what are you looking at?" Theresa asked calmly; there was no fear in her voice, just genuine curiosity and gentleness. It was that gentleness that had the flood gate opening and all of Caitlin's secrets spilled out of her. She told Theresa about the attack, pushing forward through the painful memories. She told her about seeing Zoom everywhere.

"I can't sleep, can barely put more than coffee into my stomach. I see him everywhere, Theresa. Please, make it stop," she begged, wrapping her arms around her shaking knees; feeling like a child.

"Caitlin, have you ever heard of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" Theresa asked carefully, and Caitlin looked at her in surprise.

"PTSD? Sure," she mumbled, trying to control the racing of her heart. Theresa smiled gently at her.

"You suffer from a mild case of it, Caitlin," she murmured, and Caitlin's jaw hung loose.

"I-No-I can't," she whispered finally. "I'm dealing with things."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Caitlin," Theresa assured kindly. "Sometimes, when we are put through the physical and psychological trauma of an attack, our minds simply don't know how to respond."

Caitlin swiped at her nose with the tissue, and pulled out a new one. Her head felt congested from all the blubbering and crying she had done. Glancing at her watch, she sighed.

"Something tells me you're going to want me to schedule another appointment, considering this one is up," Caitlin muttered.

"I strongly urge you to do so, yes," Theresa replied, and Caitlin nodded her head.

"Alright," she murmured. After scheduling appointment for the following Thursday, Caitlin looked at Theresa.

"What can I do to help me in the meantime?" Caitlin whispered.

"Journaling, as much of it as you can," Theresa promptly replied, and Caitlin nodded her head.

"I already do that," she murmured.

"Good," Theresa praised. "Bring it with you into Thursday's session."

Caitlin exhaled. "I can do that."

"Good. And, this won't happen for a while, we are going to have to go over the attacks themselves," Theresa said quietly, and Caitlin's heart constricted painfully inside her chest.

"I-I don't think I can," she whispered shakily, but Theresa nodded her head.

"You're far braver than you give yourself credit for. You did the first step at accepting help; you showed up and got it. The rest of it will fall into place," Theresa encouraged.

And that was enough to let Caitlin feel the first amount of hope she had felt since being released.

Author's note: Going to dig more deeply into the PTSD, just wanted to introduce it a little bit in the first session. Hope you enjoy. XOXO


	8. PTSD

Caitlin didn't know how long she sat in her car for, just going over her diagnosis. She never thought she'd be a person who had to work their way through PTSD, yet, her she was. She fiddled with her keys, swinging them around her finger as her mind ran wild. What would Barry and Cisco think about her diagnosis? Did she even want to tell them? She wasn't sure how she could expect them to be okay with it, not when she wasn't even sure how she felt, herself.

"C'mon Caity, if you tell them, they're just going to think you're not well," Zoom whispered, and she clenched her fist as her eyes squeezed shut on their own accord.

"You're not real," she muttered underneath her breath over and over. She felt like if she said it enough, it would make it true, and Zoom would stop haunting her, even in his death.

"Oh, sweetheart, no matter how many times you say that silly little mantra, it won't become true. Not until you learn to shut your mind from me," he laughed. "Something you've never quite mastered, hmm?"

Caitlin inhaled shakily, starting her car on her exhalation. She was determined to avoid Zoom's constant nagging for as long as she could. She ignored him as he laughed quietly, seemingly settling in for the car ride. Hands shaking, she backed out of the parking lot slowly, looking around carefully for more passerby. Caitlin turned up the radio to block out the sound of Zoom humming.

By the time she made it home, she was tired, and feeling drained from her session with Theresa. Realizing it was just the beginning of a long road, Caitlin sighed, and got out of her car. Luckily, her hallucination was nowhere to be seen, so she made her way up to her apartment on tired legs, and aching limbs. Caitlin couldn't remember a day that she didn't feel tired to the bone. Probably the day before Jay revealed his identity. Sighing, she unlocked her apartment door, and stepped inside, shutting and locking the door behind her quickly.

She knew she needed to eat, that the fact that she dropped about thirty pounds in a little under three months was alarming. She simply didn't have thirty pounds to lose. Still, she couldn't bring herself to make something, and her hands were shaking so much she knew she'd never be able to grip the phone long enough to order take out. Not that she had the energy to talk with another human being over the phone. Sighing, she kicked off her shoes, placing them in her shoe basket, and made her way towards her kitchen, turning on the tea kettle. Another night of tea would have to do.

When her tea was ready, she grabbed her journal from out of her bedroom, and sat down in her living room. She began to write everything she felt about her first session, from her crying, to her exhaustion afterwards. Taking periodic sips out of her tea, Caitlin tried to make sense of her emotions, feeling as if she was on a wild roller coaster with no hope of getting off. Is that what PTSD did to a person? She wasn't sure. Sighing, she kept writing steadily. She wrote all the way until there was a gentle knock at her door. Blinking, she looked up before looking at her watch. An hour had passed since she got home, and she hadn't even noticed. Shutting her journal carefully, she got up, and made her way to the door. Peeking out of the peep hole, she opened it with a tired smile.

"Hello, Barry," she murmured, and he held up take out bags.

"Food," was the only reply, and she knew better than to argue with him. Besides, if she was being honest, she was hungry. Nodding her head, she opened the door further and let him in. Barry led the way to her couch, and sat down, pulling out cartons of food. The good thing about him spending time with her over the past handful of months was the fact that he knew her order. She accepted her food gratefully, and picked up a piece of orange chicken with her chopsticks.

"How'd it go today?" Barry asked gently, and she chewed her food slowly, before taking a sip of lemonade that he had brought, too. He waited patiently for her, never rushing her. She nodded her head a moment later.

"It went alright," she murmured, thinking about her diagnosis. She wasn't sure how she could expect him to not think badly of her if she told him that so decided to keep quiet. Predictably, he could tell she was holding something back, because he placed his hand on her wrist a moment later.

"What aren't you telling me, Cait?" Barry asked softly, and she looked down, heart beating impossibly fast.

"Nothing," she murmured, but he ducked his head to get eye contact with her.

"We've known each other for awhile now," he reminded her. "We don't have secrets from each other."

"I'm scared," she muttered.

"About what?" Barry asked gently, and she sucked in a wavering breath.

"About what you're going to think of me once I tell you just what was said," she said quietly.

"I'll never judge you," he said with conviction. "You know that."

She nodded her head. She did know that. Out of all the nights he spent the night, he never judged her when she had a nightmare; he never judged her on the days she couldn't seem to get out of bed, but simply stayed on her couch, should she need him for something.

"I-I have PTSD," she whispered out in a rush, eyes squeezing shut. Barry, who hadn't removed his hand from her wrist, squeezed it gently.

"Okay, I figured you had something along those lines. It's okay," he murmured, and she laughed bitterly.

"No, it's really not. What you don't know is that fact that I see Zoom everywhere," she whispered. "In my day to day life, in my dreams; not one part of my life is untainted by that monster."

Barry sighed deeply. "Well, for one, I don't think you're unstable, so you can get that worry out of your head right now."

"How'd you know I was worried about that?" Caitlin asked quietly.

"Because I know you, Cait, you're my best friend," he murmured, and she smiled timidly.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"Secondly, I assume you're going back to therapy?" Barry continued, and Caitlin nodded her head.

"Yes, Theresa, my therapist, thinks it's for the best. She wants to delve into the PTSD more," she said, and he squeezed her wrist again.

"Truthfully, I think that's a good thing. I think it can only help you to move forward, really put this behind you," Barry said, and Caitlin sighed.

"I think so, too," she muttered. "No matter how much I may not want to go back."

"Why don't you want to go back?" Barry asked gently, and she scooped up some noodles, twirling them around on her chopsticks as she thought.

"I just feel like I should have a better grip on my life," she mumbled, after swallowing her food. Barry sighed.

"Caitlin, you were attacked repeatedly. That's going to leave scars even you won't see, not at first. Don't scold yourself for not having "a better grip on your life". You're doing the best you can. You admitted you needed help, and you got it. That's all anyone should expect of you right now, especially yourself," her said. Caitlin thought his words through, before smiling slightly.

"Thanks, Barry," she said.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?" Barry asked a few moments later, and she bit her lip.

"I don't want to have to need you to stay here," she said, trailing off as she thought.

"But, it'd make you feel better," Barry said wisely, and she nodded once.

"I'll stay, then," he said simply, and the subject was dropped.

"Thanks for being such a good friend," Caitlin murmured a moment later, and he smiled.

"Anytime," he said softly.

Nothing more was said, but nothing more needed to be said. Caitlin was content to just sit there with him, eating their dinner. And, she noticed Zoom didn't make another appearance for the rest of the night, and that was good enough to ease her worries.


	9. Tea

Barry stayed up with her that night, waiting patiently for her mind to quiet, and for tiredness to wash over her. She smiled apologetically.

"It usually takes a little bit of time for me to fully relax," she murmured, but he just rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

"It's alright," he said softly, smile in place. That eased the nervous beating of her heart, and she nodded her head.

"Would you like some tea?" Caitlin asked quietly, wishing to give her hands something to do. He nodded his head.

"Yes, please," he replied politely, and that was all the invitation Caitlin needed to get off her couch and scurry into her kitchen, going about preparing the tea. Her hands barely shook anymore; only when operating something somewhat heavy. Like, a teakettle for instance. She set it down onto the stove, the familiar rattle of the china both unnerving and soothing, all at once. She waited for the water to heat up, getting down mugs while it steamed. Soon, the familiar whistle was sounding around her kitchen, and she turned off the stove, taking the teakettle and setting it on a pot holder to cool. She poured both them a mug, adding in their teabags, and made her way back to the living room.

"Here you go," she said quietly, handing Barry his tea. He accepted it with a word of thanks. They sat there for a few moments, simply content with the quiet as they sipped their tea. It wasn't until Barry cleared his throat several moments later did Caitlin pull herself out of the quiet trance she had slipped into.

"Hmm?" Caitlin asked, blinking. Barry rubbed her hand softly.

"I-I have a question," he murmured, and Caitlin's heart clenched.

"What?" Caitlin whispered, closing her eyes.

"Hey, Cait, easy. It's nothing bad," Barry promised softly, and she peeked her eyes open, and looked at him.

"I'm just curious about something you said earlier, and want clarification so I know how to help should I need to, in the future," he commented, and she studied him for a moment, biting her lip. She eventually nodded her head.

"What is it?" Caitlin asked quietly.

"You said you see Zoom? Can you explain that a little more to me?" Barry asked gently, and she released her lip from it's confinement, exhaling shakily.

"It's hard, I'm not sure if I can find the right words to express what I mean," she muttered. He rubbed her hand again.

"Take your time," he encouraged, and she looked at him for a moment longer, before nodding her head. She thought about all the times Zoom had visited her since he died. In the shower, in her bedroom, everywhere at Star Labs; no part of her life was left untainted by him.

Inhaling, she began to try to make sense of it out loud. "It's as if he hasn't died. Not really. I guess, it's like a hallucination? I don't know how to explain it. I just see him everywhere. At work, in my apartment, everywhere."

"Even in your dreams?" Barry asked gently, and she laughed bitterly.

"God, don't get me started on my nightmares," she muttered with a scowl, and Barry squeezed her hand gently. She took a long sip of tea, trying to better collect her thoughts.

"I mean, I know it's not him. He's dead. I know that. So…it's just a figment of my imagination, I suppose," she sighed, but Barry shook his head.

"I don't think it's a figment of your imagination, Cait. What you went through? Was traumatic. You had to endure something no one should ever have to endure even once in their lives. There's bound to be repercussions from that," he murmured.

"I'm just glad he was stopped before he couldn't harm anybody else," Caitlin said quietly, feeling inexplicably grateful that he hadn't harmed anyone else on Team Flash.

"You know, if he had harmed someone else, it wouldn't have been your fault, right?" Barry asked carefully, and Caitlin closed her eyes.

"Don't say that," she whispered imploringly.

"I need you to hear me when I say this, alright?" Barry asked, and he placed his hand on her shoulder; she opened her eyes upon contact.

"Had he hurt anymore of us, it would not have been your fault," he said firmly.

"Barry, I-I trusted that man. Had vouched for him when no one else wanted to accept him on the team. If someone had gotten hurt because of him, that's completely on me," she stated, feeling guilt claw at her insides, making her squirm uncomfortably. Barry squeezed her shoulder, applying a bit more pressure than he had previously.

"Caitlin, we all accepted him on the team. I trusted him enough to let him come help on missions. None of us could've predicted who he was or that you'd be the one who had to pay the price for all of our mistakes," he said, maintaining eye contact with her. It was hard for Caitlin to look at him; she so desperately wanted to crawl into her skin and hide inside of herself, where no one or nothing could touch her.

She felt tears blurring her vision, and wanted to roll her eyes at her ability to cry at the drop of a damn hat, but she didn't even seem able to summon the energy to do even that. Barry handed her a tissue wordlessly, and she accepted it, laughing bitterly.

"Sorry," she mumbled, swiping fiercely at her eyes.

"Take it easy on yourself," he murmured, and she inhaled deeply, trying to calm down the harsh beating of her heart. She nodded her head slowly.

"Alright," she muttered, and wiped at her eyes more gently. When she had dried the tears that had escaped their imprisonment, she rubbed at her nose, feeling her head get congested for the second time that day. Barry handed her the mug that held her tea when she was finished. She crumpled up the tissue, and accepted the tea.

"Drink all of it," Barry said, and she didn't have the energy to argue him, so just drank her tea, hoping it'd have a calming effect on her. By the time she had drank all her tea, some of the tension in her shoulders and heart seemed to have dissipated, leaving a hollow feeling instead. She was tired, tired to the bone; Barry noticed.

"You should get some sleep," he murmured, and she nodded her head.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea," she replied.

She stood up, taking her mug back into the kitchen, him following wordlessly behind. They rinsed out their mugs and dried them, before placing them back in her cabinet. Then, she took out her trash and decided she was finally ready to call it a night.

"Do you want me on your couch or on your floor?" Barry asked gently, and she thought about it. The last couple of weeks he had stayed with her before she tried spending the night alone, he had been on her couch.

"Couch is fine," she murmured, but he shook his head.

"I know you well enough to know that you'd prefer me to sleep on your floor," he countered, and she sighed.

"Thanks for knowing me," she whispered.

"Always," he murmured. Nothing more was said, and they got ready to go to sleep, with him taking the floor. It was the first night since finding out Jay was Zoom that Caitlin had slept the whole night through.

Author's note: Another one between Barry and Caitlin, because I love exploring their friendship as much as I write about their relationship. Also, this is obviously an AU. Surprise, I didn't kill Barry's dad. I hated that happening in the show. Enjoy. XOXO


	10. Nightmares

Caitlin was slowly growing accustomed to therapy. Theresa was great; never pushing her out of her comfort zone or forcing her to talk about things she wasn't ready to yet. She did have Caitlin write in her journal every night before bed, and then they would go over her week's-worth of journal entries, tackling the deeper meanings buried behind her words. Theresa, who had said she'd seen a lot of victims going through the same things that Caitlin went through, praised Caitlin on even the smallest of victories. Such as, getting out of bed each day and eating a bowl of cereal with her morning cup of coffee. Caitlin may have told Theresa that Barry was starting to threaten her if she didn't put on some of the weight she had lost.

Barry. Not once did Caitlin think she'd ever be as close to him as she was. They knew each other on a more intimate level now, what with him sleeping on her floor every night. She, albeit hesitantly, offered for him to go back to his apartment, saying she could handle being on her own again. She didn't believe the words she was saying, and neither did he. That's why he had taken it upon himself to buy an inflatable mattress, and put it on her floor every night. She knew then that they were best friends.

One night, after a particularly trying session in therapy, Caitlin and Barry walked into her apartment wordlessly. They had stopped at their favorite take out restaurant, ordered their usual, and took the food back to her apartment. It was a night that Caitlin was a woman of few words. She just chewed her food silently, getting used to the never-ending exhaustion that had settled in on her bones. Perhaps Barry had noticed that she wasn't in the mood to talk, because he simply sat next to her on the couch, eating in silence, too.

When they had finished eating, and had thrown away their trash, Barry redirected Caitlin back to the living room, after she had snagged her journal off her kitchen counter, and went about making tea while she wrote. Caitlin focused on the therapeutic feeling of putting pen to paper, letting words flow. She tried to come up with words to describe how she was feeling. So exhausted she could barely see straight. But, it wasn't physical exhaustion; just mental. She didn't know which was worse, and didn't care to; she just kept writing steadily. She wrote all the way until Barry came back into the living room, holding two cups of tea. He indicated that she should keep writing, so she did.

Finally, after writing the last bit of her thoughts, she closed the leather-bound book with a sigh, and slid it next to her, accepting the cup of tea Barry handed to her with a dip of her head. She took a sip, feeling it warm even the most cold and darkest places of her; the place Zoom had tainted.

"Ready to talk about it?" Barry asked quietly, and Caitlin knew he was referring to her therapy session. "You don't have to, if you don't want to, though."

She twisted her neck, trying to loosen the stiff muscles there as she thought. He had been nothing but supportive after each session she had. He never judged her, never told her she needed to be improving at a quicker pace than she was. Sighing, she nodded her head.

"It was hard," she began hoarsely. She cleared her throat.

"Theresa wants us to go over the attack itself, and soon," she muttered, hands clenching her tea cup so hard her knuckles had turned white. Barry rubbed the pad of his thumb along her knuckles, and that helped her ease her grip.

"Are you ready for that? Or, even comfortable with letting it happen?" Barry asked gently, and Caitlin chuckled humorlessly as she shook her head.

"No," she murmured, feeling the tears spring to life on their own accord. By now, they didn't even take her by surprise. She just accepted the tissue Barry handed her, and she swiped mutely at her face. He let her take her time, never coaxing her to talk more. Finally, she sighed.

"However, I think it wouldn't hurt," she said quietly, thinking about it. If she went through the attack, Theresa promised her she'd be safe; that she'd be right there with her, not letting any harm come her way. That was enough to ease Caitlin's worry somewhat.

"I don't think it would hurt either," Barry said, squeezing her tissue-free hand. Caitlin made a noncommittal jerk of her head, and sipped some more tea.

"I mean it, Cait," he said softly, and she tore her eyes from her cup of tea, and looked at him, searching.

"Yeah?" Caitlin asked, begging him to be right.

"Yeah," he murmured, nodding his head. "I think it could only help if you talked about the attack. Theresa has proved she's not going anywhere, right? Let her in even more. Let her help you in ways that we can't."

Caitlin thought over his words for a few minutes, taking sips of her tea periodically. Finally, she nodded her head.

"Alright," she whispered. "I'll consider doing it."

Barry smiled softly at her, and nothing more was said as they finished their tea, and then went about getting ready for bed. After her nightly routine was done, and she was tucked in her bed, she glanced down at Barry on his mattress.

"You're a really good friend, you know. For never growing tired of sleeping on a mattress on my floor," she said, and he smiled.

"Good friend comes with the title of "superhero", Cait," he said gently. She nodded her head and, after a few more words, they both went to sleep.

XXXXX

Caitlin wasn't sure why she was back in the cave, ankle chained to the bed. She thought she'd never see this place again, once Zoom was defeated. Harsh tremors wracked through her thin frame, sending her teeth chattering.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here," came his voice, and Caitlin, startled, looked around in panic. There he was, emerging from the shadows. Zoom leered terrifyingly at her, and she tugged the chain around her ankle uselessly; it groaned in protest.

"Silly girl, you'll never break free," Zoom taunted as he stalked his way towards her. He was a predator; she was his prey. Cat and mouse in a vicious cycle of chase.

"What do you want?" Caitlin demanded harshly, feeling far less brave than she was coming off. He laughed unpleasantly, sending chills up her spine.

"Don't you understand, dear girl? All I've ever wanted is you. And, now, I can finally get what I want. Because, you see, I may be dead, but I'll never leave you alone in your nightmares," he whispered, wicked grin gracing his features. Caitlin watched as he finally reached her, and traced her forearm. She tucked it back into her arm with a snarl.

"Don't touch me," she growled, and some of the bravery that was missing finally decided to rear its head. He just laughed and laughed and laughed. Caitlin began to scream once he sat down on the bed next to her, and didn't stop. Her screams, and his laughter, danced around inside the cave.

"Cait! Cait! Caitlin, wake up!" A voice said, and Caitlin felt someone shaking her. It was enough to startle her awake, and she sat up, panting as if she had just run four miles. Barry pushed her sweaty hair off her forehead, and flashed off. Before she had time to even blink, he was back, pushing a glass of water into her hands.

"Take it easy, alright?" Barry asked, and she cupped her hands around the glass, watching the water tremble as her hands shook. He helped guide it to her lips, and held it there, allowing her to take a drink.

"Take a few deep breaths for me. Can you do that, sweetheart?" Barry asked softly, and Caitlin nodded her head, trying to get a few normal breaths in for the sake of her friend. Inhaling and exhaling as normally as she could, Caitlin finally managed to get her breathing back on track.

"Sorry," she whispered, plucking at a loose thread in her comforter. Barry shook his head.

"Nothing to be sorry for, Cait," he said with conviction, and she nodded her head.

"Want to talk about it?" Barry asked after a few moments of peaceful silence.

Caitlin shrugged a weary shoulder. "Zoom, and the cave."

Barry nodded his head once. "You're safe."

He repeated this phrase like a mantra, helping to soothe Caitlin's aching heart. He tucked her into his side, and she held on, like her life depended on it. Admittedly, it probably did. They stayed up until sunrise, and Caitlin came to a concrete decision. Next session, she was going to tell Theresa everything. If that meant going over the attack itself, so be it. The only way up was to start climbing.

Author's note: Hope you like it. Puzzle Pieces should be updated tomorrow, along with a couple of others. Accepting prompts for One Shots in the comments for that story. Drop me one if you'd like. I've got some to get through. XOXO


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